to fit our times. by Carol Ann Duffy, British poet laureate. commissioned by Radio Times
ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS,
a buzzard on a branch.
In Afghanistan,
no partridge, pear tree;
but my true love sent to me
a card from home.
I sat alone,
crouched in yellow dust,
and traced the grins of my kids
with my thumb.
Somewhere down the line,
for another father, husband,
brother, son, a bullet
with his name on.
2
TWO TURTLE DOVES,
that Shakespeare loved –
turr turr, turr turr –
endangered now
by herbicide,
the chopping down
of where they hide –
turr turr, turr turr –
hawthorn thickets,
hedgerows, woodland.
Summer's music
fainter, farther…
the spreading drought
of the Sahara.
3
THREE FRENCH HENS –
un, deux, trois –
do not know
that French they are.
Three Welsh lambs –
un, dau, tri –
do not know
that Welsh they baa.
Newborn babies –
one, two, three –
only know
you human be.
Only know
you human be.
4
THE GRENADA DOVE IS CALLING.
The Condor calls from the USA.
The Wood Stork calls from its wetlands.
The Albatross calls from the sea,
on the fourth day of Christmas.
The Yellow-eared Parrot is calling.
The Kakapo calls from NZ.
The Blue-throated Macaw is calling.
The Little Tern calls from Japan, calls
my true love sent to me.
The Corncrake is calling; the Osprey.
The Baikal Teal calls from Korea.
The Cuckoo is calling from England,
four calling birds.
5
THE FIRST GOLD RING WAS GOLD INDEED –
bankers' profits fired in greed.
The second ring outshone the sun,
fuelled by carbon, doused by none.
Ring three was black gold, O for oil –
a serpent swallowing its tail.
The fourth ring was Celebrity;
Fool's Gold, winking on TV.
Ring five, religion's halo, slipped –
a blind for eyes or gag for lips.
With these five gold rings they you wed,
then slip them off when you are dead.
With these five go-o-o-old rings.
6
I BOUGHT A MAGIC GOOSE FROM A JOLLY FARMER.
This goose laid Barack Obama.
I bought a magic goose from a friendly fellow.
This goose laid Fabio Capello.
I bought a magic goose from a maiden (comely).
This goose laid Joanna Lumley.
I bought a magic goose from a busker (poor).
This goose laid Anish Kapoor.
I bought a magic goose from a bargain bin, it
was the goose laid Alan Bennett.
I bought a poisoned goose from a crook (sick, whiffing).
This foul goose laid Nick Griffin.
7
THE SWAN AT COCKERMOUTH –
of a broken heart, one half.
The Mersey Swans, flying
for Hillsborough, wings of justice.
Two, married and mute on the Thames,
watching The Wave.
A Swan for Adrian Mitchell
and a Swan for UA Fanthorpe,
swansongs for poetry.
The Queen's birds, paired
for life, beauty and truth.
8
ONE MILKED MONEY TO MEND HER MOAT.
Two milked voters to float her boat.
Three milked Parliament to flip her flat.
Four milked Government to snip her cat.
Five milked the dead for close-up tears.
Six milked the tax-payer for years and
years and years…
Seven milked the system to Botox
her brow.
Eight milked herself – the selfish cow.
9
BUT THE DEAD SOLDIER'S LADY DOES NOT DANCE.
But the lady in the Detention Centre
does not dance.
But the honour killing lady does not dance.
But the drowned policeman's lady
does not dance.
But the lady in the filthy hospital ward
does not dance.
But the lady in Wootton Bassett does not dance.
But the gangmaster's lady does not dance.
But the lady with the pit bull terrier
does not dance.
But another dead soldier's lady
does not dance.
10
LORDS DON'T LEAP.
They sleep.
11
WE PAID THE BLUDDY PIPER
fir 'Royal Bank;
twa pipers each
fir Fred and Phil,
fir Finlay, Fraser, Frank.
Too big tae fail!
The wee dog laughed!
The dish ran awa' wi' the spoon…
We paid the bluddy pipers,
but we dinnae call the tune.
12
DID THEY HEAR THE DRUMS IN COPENHAGEN,
banging their warning?
On the twelfth day in Copenhagen
was global warming stopped in its tracks
by Brown and Barack and Hu Jintao,
by Meles Zenawi and Al Sabban,
by Yvo de Boer and Hedegaard?
Did they strike a match
or strike a bargain,
the politicos in Copenhagen?
Did they twiddle their thumbs?
Or hear the drums
and hear the drums
and hear the drums?
what I came across while shopping
must fight off other predators
finally...
13:42 Just watched "Inglorious Basterds". Could Tarantino be any more psychotic, and yet totally awesome?
13:49 If someone posts that Facebook has changed their settings to plunge Earth into the sun & you can't tell that's a joke, there's a problem.
16:24 Tribe's servers are down? Let me hide my shock.
16:33 Exactly! RT @BunnyBarber: @mojowriting Tell her if you've seen 1 vagina, you've seen them all!
20:49 a LOST promo? I'd almost forgotten about that show. Will have to pick up season 5 so I can remember what the hell happened.
23:26 Only if Santa brings me one too! RT @GeorgiaWeasley: @tribalmeg Dear Santa, I want bit.ly/6uIotm THAT for Christmas. Please?
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15:40 It's true, it is. RT @ImTheQ: But it IS!!! @mojowriting I told you, we always think it's about us. lol
15:48 WTF is up with that song? RT @ImTheQ: Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away...
16:14 My son just tried to extort money from me via a go-between. Sent his brother to tell me "C say he needs one dollar or he going to kick you."
19:40 Have now explained the concept of "smartphones" to my mom FOUR times, and she still says "data package?" every time like it was new.
21:59 It's #Eastwick time!
22:50 Is #Eastwick going to end with everybody dead? Seems like it's going that way.
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this is the suckiest time of the year.
dark all the freaking time.
totally unmotivated*
I wanna crawl in bed
with a ton of gingerbread
and stay there
'til 2020
* cant' even be bothered to get rid of the pink angel.
13:09 Word. RT @bitterepiphany: etsy has taught me something: just because you CAN refashion a sweater into something doesn't mean you SHOULD.
19:42 THIS. RT @bitterepiphany: oh dear god that man is gross #robertpattinson #newmoon
19:59 Death Eaters ftw! RT @BunnyBarber: @tribalmeg @bitterepiphany They killed him off in Goblet of Fire for a good reason!!!!
21:38 Mmm. There is just nothing more delicious than a man in armor. Yes, I'm aware I have odd tastes sometimes.
23:22 The wigs on "Rome" are fucking awesome.
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Sometimes technology empowers me. Things work smoother and faster and I can write, connect, watch, create and generally do and be more, as result of magic of technology.
Then there are times when technology thwarts me at every turn. Things break, slow down or just become ridiculously complicated. When that happens, technology can suck the energy out of just about every task big and small.
After months of everything working relatively smoothly, I seem to find myself thwarted by machines, captive to electrical conundrums, bogged down by bad connections and generally wading through the muck of technology gone wrong.
The televisions have had memory cards replaced, firmware upgrades and new panels installed. The cordless phones have taken to randomly deciding to let me know who's calling or not, as it pleases them. The programmable thermostat seems to want to decide for itself when the heat should go full blast or completely off. Bulbs in my bedroom and the backyard refuse to power up and provide light. My Blackberry's trackball has developed a sluggishness and a stickiness that makes me suspect that some of that nasty green goo from Ghost Busters is oozing just behind the faceplate.
But the most vexing problems are with my computer and its relationship to programs and the Internet. It's slow. Really realley sl-o-o-o-o-o-o-w. Which is maddening enough, but it loses things. It forgets things. It doesn't want to connect to sites and people it should connect to. It misbehaves, acting like it doesn't care to help me do the things I need and want to do. This defiant, sluggish laptop was purchased in May of this year.
I've tried all the usual (but not extreme) remedies that those of us with an above average comfort level with personal technology know to do in these situations. I've tried them two and three times or more.
It might be time for more drastic measures. But before I go that far, one of my business partners offered up his "Technology Cleansing Ritual".
I think it might be worth a shot.
When you are in the snowy cold of Minnesota, take your laptop, remove any jewelry and do the following:
1. Gather freshly cut parsley and place it in a pan of distilled water. Let it soak for nine minutes. Sprinkle the water throughout the house while visualizing a calm environment.
2. Go outside, face Seattle and chant the following: I will uphold the Redmond creed. High in spirit, I shall succeed. Power of the Elements Five, will help my data stay alive. From grains of earth to the moving air, past the burning fire that magic flares, flow with water, lakes, and streams; around the spirit's aura and dreams. Keep my karma high aloft and let me play with Microsoft.
3. Avoid eating any liver or organ meat for one month.
You should be good to go!
J
